#241: Loving on Your Marriage
Happy Valentine's Day, Parents!
Ready to love on your marriage this week?
Don and Suz answer your questions about how to take care of your marriage. If you are looking for inspiration and practical ways to build your marriage relationship line- this podcast is made for you!
Questions we’ve gotten about marriage:
How do you invest time in your marriage?
1. Get date nights with your spouse!! It’s so valuable to spend intentional times with your spouse and if finances if a hindrance, get creative and find friends who would kid trade for a night. The benefits of being away from kids for an extended period of time can help create connections and a space to dream about your family’s future.
“Men often care about building a life with their teammate and investing in the marriage relationship by dreaming about what is next.” - Suz
“Women love getting a break from the constant needs and it fills up their cup. And we love having adult conversation.” - Suz
“Date nights are a must – if you don’t feel connected to your spouse – date nights are essential.” -Don and Suz
2. Go to bed together! Suzanne remembers asking Don to go to bed with her. She remembers her parents didn’t and she valued the sacrifice Don made to stay up later than he planned to spend a few moments processing with Suz before bed. It will change in certain seasons but going to bed together creates space for connection.
3.Sit by each other. A lot of parents are bookends for their kids (playing defense) but we chose to sit together no matter what. So much so it feels weird when we don’t sit next to each other.
4. Get your kids out of your bed!! This may be easier said then done (or controversial in today's society) BUT it gives both spouses a better chance of getting lucky😊 AND its a sacred space for connection between husband and wife.
How do you “learn” your spouse?
"Learning each other was essential in our first decade of marriage because we did not know how the other person operated. It took time to figure each other out but it was worth it! Often conflict and decision making were the main ways we learned how the other one operated." Suz
Don remembers the marriage getting better by the decade and working hard to understand each other’s differences is to our benefit, not detriment.
Both Don and Suz use the eneagram to help them learn their spouse. The 5 Love Languages also helped them know how to love and interact with their spouse in any given season.
No matter how old your marriage is, the goal is to be good to each other and build a life together you can submit to God when you reach Heaven.
A great question to ask yourself, is “what are you doing to take care of your marriage? How are you investing and finding new tools to help you have the best marriage possible.”
One of Suz’s favorite things is the shift in their humility- they went from always thinking their way was the right way. Now it is more of a place of connections. She feels like they come into situations with more of an open mind and heart to hear the other person out and decide together.
“When you accept your spouse, they will feel more accepted.” - Don
It’s simple but changing your perspective of how your spouse should act, respond, or love is essential to helping your marriage thrive. As a spouse, it is powerful to work on ourselves and change our perspective when our spouse interacts with us.
Main point: look at intent.
It’s not often the spouse is trying to deliberately hurt the other spouse. Our perspective needs to be benefit of the doubt instead of offense. It allows us to be kinder and more compassionate.
“A common phrase we say is, ‘we are on the same team- they are for me!’” - Suz
This is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to insights from Don and Suz's 30+ years of marriage. Hopefully you heard one takeaway you can start practicing TODAY!
